1. |
triptych
03:17
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I’ve been sleeping with your keys
They help me not to dream
Pressed against my palms
And digging in between
My fingertips are searching for
you underneath the sheets
but you left me, you loved me, you lost me
Can’t look at myself in mirrors
‘Cause I won’t like what I’ll see
Can’t stand to hear my voice
As it spills out from my teeth
I just picture us a triptych,
A three part symphony
As you loved me, you lost me, and you left me
Ooh…
You’ll try to be a stranger
A stoic shadow man
And I’ll be catatonic
With my third drink in my hand
And as you sense me spiraling
Please remember that
You lost me, you left me, but you loved me.
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2. |
alder lake
04:23
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Hollow on the inside, and I can’t find my appetite
Iron grip on my lungs, so I don’t sleep so well at night
Masochist by nature, and I am stressed out all the time
But you know me, I’ll take whatever just to pretend I’m fine
When we got naked at Alder Lake, the dirt in our toes
And then catapulted down the bank, that moment froze
and I thought – if I could find this happiness in all of my days
well then, this could all mean so much more than just getting paid
because we got naked at Alder Lake, we got naked at Alder Lake
Oh no, it’s 3 again, and I just climbed out of a hole
Comparing my complexion, the angle of my nose
Masochist by nature, and I am stressed out all the time
But you know me, I’ll take whatever just to pretend I’m fine
When we got naked at Alder Lake, the dirt in our toes
And then catapulted down the bank, that moment froze
and I thought - if I could find this happiness in all of my days
well then, this could all mean so much more than just getting paid
because we got naked at Alder Lake, we got naked at Alder Lake
Oo
When we got naked at Alder Lake, the dirt in our toes
And then catapulted down the bank, that moment froze
and I thought - if I could find this happiness in all of my days
well then, this could all mean so much more than just getting paid
because we got naked at Alder Lake, we got naked at Alder Lake
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3. |
know me better
03:37
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All the plants are dying, I cannot let them grow
‘Cause they remind me that you said you had to go
Don’t you think it’s funny that I haven’t left the house
Though this place is soaked in memories
and I cannot get them out?
I just called to tell you that you’ve been on my mind
That I’m trying to be strong while you’re leaving me behind
But all you had to say was you “need more time
That we cannot be friends,” you’re not ready to be fine
So why is your name still showing up on my phone,
I thought you want to be alone?
I’ll give you what you want
I’ll give you what you want but
You should know me better
You think it won’t hurt
You think this won’t hurt but
You should know me better
Fill up with distractions so you don’t have to feel
So the life we built together, none of it was real
Push the pain down in a bottle, and save it for a night
For when you start to realize that I might have been right
I know this will hit like a shot to the chest
but you don’t miss me yet
I’ll give you what you want
I’ll give you what you want but
You should know me better
You think it won’t hurt
You think this won’t hurt but
You should know me better
Don’t try to act like this is not a death
I’m losing track of how this’ll end
I’ll give you what you want
I’ll give you what you want but
You should know me better
I let this go too far
The distance in who we are
You should know me
You should know me
I put you down, ran my mouth
Only to see it now
You don’t know me
I don’t know you
You should know me
You should know me
I’ll give you what you want
I’ll give you what you want but
You should know me better
You think it won’t hurt
You think this won’t hurt but
You should know me better
Don’t try to act like this is not a death
I’m losing track of how this’ll end
I’ll give you what you want
I’ll give you what you want but
You should know me better
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4. |
if only you
03:53
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stuck between stacks of magazines
our place has become a prison
and you cut me down, i divide
As you take back that I am forgiven
now you’re holding me on our kitchen floor
and I’m wiping a tear from your chin
we could make it if you wanted to
but you have made your decision
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
we could still be unfolding
if only you
i’m splintering and all my parts
are laid out across the counter
you screamed “somebody! call the cops!
no one should be around her.
She will drag you down!
She will stomp you out,
‘til you’re smoldering in silence.”
well babe, now I know how you feel
but I promise you, I am no tyrant...
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
we could still be unfolding
if only you
ah ha, ah ha, ah
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
if only you had told me
we could still be unfolding
if only you
ah ha, ah ha, ah
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5. |
four am
03:18
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At dawn I found a silver hair cascading from my head
Pulled it out, I took a breath and then pictured us both dead
My fingers grip ceramic sink, blood drips from my teeth
As I think of bumping into you at the store or at the beach
Maybe I’ll write you a note -
Maybe I won’t - I can’t tell you what I hate you for
‘Cause baby, you’ll never come home -
You’d rather be alone - I can’t tell you what I hate you for
But I hate that you don’t love me anymore.
It’s four am, I’m restless and clawing at the sheets
Almost forgot the shape you’d take when drifting off to sleep
The feeling of your hand in mine is fading with the siren calls
But the ambulance must’ve missed my house
‘cause I’m not alive at all, I’m not alive at all.
So maybe I’ll write you a note -
Maybe I won’t - I can’t tell you what I hate you for
‘Cause baby, you’ll never come home -
You’d rather be alone - I can’t tell you what I hate you for
But you don’t love me anymore (I hate that you don’t love me)
You don’t love me anymore (I hate that you don’t love me)
You don’t love me anymore (I hate that you don’t love me)
You don’t love me anymore (I hate that you don’t love me)
And I hate that you don’t love me anymore
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6. |
i keep her
03:00
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If I take it for what it’s worth
I take too much and leave nothing for her
And I don’t know why I do it
And I don’t know how to stop
When every move is automatic
And I always fuck it up -
So I keep her at a distance, I keep her as a dream
At least this way I’m consistent, and I don’t have to come clean
More than nothing, less than something
More than nothing, less than something
More than nothing, less than something
More more more
I’m a wall, thick as concrete
When I shut right down and forget how to breathe
And I don’t know why I do it
And I don’t know how to stop
When every time she brings her hatchet,
I hang it right back up
And I keep her at a distance, I keep her as a dream
At least this way I’m consistent, and I don’t have to come clean
More than nothing, less than something
More than nothing, less than something
More than nothing, less than something
More more more
Always wanting what I can’t have
She’s got a boyfriend with all these plans
And I want to tell her how sure I am –
But I can’t…
So I keep her at a distance, I keep her as a dream
(always wanting what I can’t have)
At least this way I’m consistent, and I don’t have to come clean
(She’s got a boyfriend with all these plans and I)
Oh I keep her at a distance, I keep her as a dream
(want to tell her how sure I am, oh I)
At least this way I’m consistent, and I don’t have to come clean
(want to tell her how sure I am)
But then she leads to me to the doorway as the bar is shutting down
(always wanting what I can’t have)
And pulls the hair back from my temple as she spins herself around
(always wanting what I can’t have)
And says “I know you’ve been keeping this in a hole in the ground –
(always wanting what I can’t have)
But I’m feeling what you’re feeling, baby, how does that sound?”
(always wanting what)
And as she kissed me, I can taste the whiskey sweet on her mouth –
If only just for now… if only just for now.
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7. |
summer
02:04
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Summer got away from me
I can’t tell if I did anything
But autumn fell too soon, you see
When you called out, and I misinterpreted
What are we doing here again, my love?
What are we doing here again, my love?
Lock your palm right into mine
Let me make up for all our lost time
What are we doing here again, my love?
What are we doing here again, my love?
What are we doing here again, my love?
What are we doing here again, my love?
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8. |
on accident
03:57
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I can feel his hands in my
Back pockets as we’re standing
Too close and the lights are flashin' on me
The way he looks over his glasses
Makes me want something to happen
And I want to tell him - is that wrong of me?
I wanted to be what he wanted, oh I did
I wanted to be what he wanted, oh I did
I want him to be what I wanted, is that bad?
I want him to be what I want him to
He puts his fingers 'round my throat and
as we’re kissing I can tell that
I’m gonna let him take me home this time
And I just can’t explain it -
He’s a mess, and he is tainted
But I want to fix him, is that wrong of me?
I wanted to be what he wanted, oh I did
I wanted to be what he wanted, oh I did
I want him to be what I wanted, is that bad?
I want him to be what I want him to
Did I hurt you?
You know I didn’t mean it
Did I hurt you on accident?
Did I hurt you?
You know I didn’t mean it
Did I hurt you on accident?
I wanted to be what he wanted, oh I did
I wanted to be what he wanted, oh I did
I want him to be what I wanted, is that bad?
I want him to be what I want him to
Did I hurt you?
You know I didn’t mean it
Did I hurt you on accident?
Did I hurt you?
You know I didn’t mean it
Did I hurt you on accident?
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9. |
changed
03:30
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There is a space - the shadow of a feeling
That I could not place until now
And there is a part, a part of me waking
And I cannot fake that it’s dawned
I am changing, I am changed
I am changing, I am changed
So pick up the pieces and put them away
I don’t need reasons for what I say
And everyone’s gone now, but I feel okay
I have been found now, I have been saved
I am changing, I am changed
I am changing, I am changed
Oo
I am changing, I am changed
I am changing, I am changed
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10. |
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Did we have a good day, baby?
‘Cause all our good days have been tainted lately,
I don’t know which way is up.
I’m asking - did you feel the
sunlight kiss your shoulders
as I spun you round in circles by the ocean?
Or instead - did I make you sick?
Are you fed up with it?
And how I’ve been sinking -
I’m pulling a drink in the
back seat of the car,
you’re driving us to the party
and I should say I’m sorry for that...
But I’m fed up with it,
And I wish it could be different.
Did you think I wouldn’t notice
That LA guy who pulled your focus?
Oo, he looks so good in those tight blue jeans.
Don’t ask me for forgiveness,
You don’t have permission to bother me
While I’m mourning every second,
Every little death - how could I not see
That you’re fed up with me?
And how I’ve been sinking -
I’m pulling a drink in the
Back seat of the cab, I’m bleeding.
I hardly remember, but I lost my temper I think
‘cause I’m fed up with it.
Oh I should feel better - I knocked out his two front teeth.
But you’re fed up with me,
And I wish it could be different.
Did we have a good day, baby?
Did we have a good day, baby?
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11. |
i quit
03:41
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I used to be a drinker,
Nothing fatal, nothing bad
I could take down any obstacle
With a cold beer in my hand
But I stumbled, lost my balance
Slipped, unhinged both of my knees
I quit nine months ago,
you ruined that for me
Then I started smoking cigarettes
As a way to pass the time
To stop my hands from shaking
Like my bones were misaligned
As I leaned into the habit,
Clenched, ground down all my teeth
I quit nine days ago,
you ruined that for me
I confess, I am a liar
I can tell this is a joke
Both the seller and the buyer
Of the words you never spoke
I’m at the mercy of my vices
When left to my own devices
And I’m weak when I’m burnt out -
I can’t quit you for now
Got obsessive with the notion
That you’re happy, that you’re fine
Couldn’t stop my greedy fingertips
From checking out online
And the deeper down I wandered,
sucker punch right to my spine -
I had to stop nine hours ago,
she ruined that this time
I confess, I am a liar
I can tell this is a joke
Both the seller and the buyer
Of the words you never spoke
I’m at the mercy of my vices
When left to my own devices
And I’m weak when I’m burnt out -
I can’t quit you for now
Oo
Oh I’m weak when I’m burnt out,
I can’t quit you for now
I tried to practice yoga,
so to focus on my mind,
To cleanse you from my body
Leave addicted life behind,
And then I poured you in a journal
Lit a candle every night –
But no matter what I write
No ritual, no shrine
I give up every time
And I can’t quit you – I can’t quit you
I can’t quit you – I tried.
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12. |
friends
04:51
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Gone half a year
But still in the same damn places -
So much has changed here,
But we still have the same two faces
When I saw you park,
Didn’t know if I could say this:
That it’s been endless dark,
But i’m glad we took our spaces
So tell me about what’s been going on
‘Cause I’ve been locked out for so long -
And tell me how you need to work out
And I’ll tell you about my songs -
And we can be friends, we can be
Grateful for the sun
‘Cause I can blush undercover.
Now we each are one,
Where we used to have each other
So don’t let the thought
Of all of the hurt resurface -
We both failed a lot,
But none of it was on purpose
So tell me about what’s been going on
‘Cause I wanna hear it so bad
And tell me how you’re sleeping now
When you’re touring with your band -
And we can be friends, we can
You read my letter,
And I thought that you threw it away.
You said, you said you left her -
I didn’t know what to say…
But I can see you smiling –
And you don’t wanna look away.
You said that you’d been thinking
About calling someday...
So I shouldn’t lie -
I have been waiting for this.
Though my eyes are now dry,
They have been creaking coffins.
So tell me about what’s been going on
‘Cause I’ve been wrapped up in your absence
And I’ll tell you how I’m feeling better now
And that it isn’t an accident
That we can be friends, we can be friends, we can
We can be friends, we can
We can be friends, we can
We can be, we can
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Leah Capelle Los Angeles, California
Leah Capelle is a visceral, emotive, and compelling alternative/rock/pop singer-songwriter from Chicago based in Los
Angeles.
Hot off of a successful midwest tour in 2019 & recent gigs in New York and Los Angeles, Leah will be live streaming shows consistently promoting her full length record, “triptych,” until we can all gather again.
... more
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